Today I can hear my father whispering in my ear, reminding me of Jesus command to forgive not 7 times, but 70 times 7. I am struggling with this today. My human response to pain is to do anything to prevent it from happening. To forgive means to open up to further hurt, to allow the person to stay in my life and possibly hurt me again. Often God asks us to do the opposite of what makes logical sense. I find that faith is seldom logical at all. It is my eagerness to please the Father that keeps me seeking such things. This forgiveness that He requires of me is the opposite of what makes logical sense to me. I want to cut this person from my life, not just to prevent further hurt but to punish the person for hurting me. God does not give me permission to do this. I must bless those that spitefully use me. Every bit of my flesh desires to punish and run, but my spirit urges me to please my Father in Heaven, who commands again, "70 times 7". No earthly sense can be made of such a requirement. But if I lean on laws of nature instead of spiritual laws, I risk missing the great blessings that come with sowing in the spirit and, simply put, I just plain enjoy pleasing my Father.
God, it is ONLY by Your spirit that I can forgive this time. Any forgiveness that I may have possessed in the natural has been drained. Any ability to forgive that I may have possessed in the natural has been compromised. I no longer have it in me. I am asking for Your forgiveness to rush in like a flood. I have done all I can to stand, and so I stand. I know that if I am obedient, You will handle the logistics. The only hope I have is in You. The only peace I can know is in You. Freely I have been forgiven, freely I will forgive. May You be pleased with what You see. Amen.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
UGH!
Okay, I put it off and put it off but I must relent! My concern on a blog is that somebody is going to see how much I am losing my mind. Today, my blog might sing of God's love for me and how I know He hears me and knows my innermost parts, but tomorrow might find me stricken with grief and feeling forgotten by my God. Alas, that is why I identify so closely with David. He was bipolar just like me! I really don't know if it is bipolar as much as it is that I am just so tender. I feel everything around me. I feel everyone's emotions and am moved by them. It is exhausting. But, like David I will dance with all my might. Naked, if I must (eeek)! I abandon all when I worship, just like David. But I also get distracted easily just like David.
God, today, be in my day. Be all around my day. Be at the beginning and end of my day. Most of all, let me see You today! Saturate my day so much that I get to see You in it. Have Your way with my day. Today I call you lover and not master, come be with me my love. I am waiting....
God, today, be in my day. Be all around my day. Be at the beginning and end of my day. Most of all, let me see You today! Saturate my day so much that I get to see You in it. Have Your way with my day. Today I call you lover and not master, come be with me my love. I am waiting....
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Too many freaks, not enough circuses....
Well, it is a rainy Saturday morning and I am enjoying the wonderful sounds of my children playing with the dog and watching cartoons while taking the opportunity to stay in bed as long as humanly possible. And while I love and adore and desire to protect my children from any possible harm, right outside of my door and sometimes right smack-dab in the middle of my living room, there are some that try to nab my children's innocence at every possible opportunity like a freak lurking in a dark alleyway.
In days long ago, society worked together with parents to protect the innocence of children, now it seems to be a game of who can steal a child's innocence at the earliest possible age. If it isn't embedded somewhere in modern-day cartoons (just animated sit-coms), it lies in wait for them in every corner of the internet, which our school system now wants to make completely available to each child via their own take-home netbook. There is no way my child will have access to a computer that I am not an administrator on. Do they think parents are drunk and high? Now, I know there are plenty of parents that are asleep! And while they slumber, there are thousands of men and women ready, willing and able to entertain their little lovelies. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses", that is my viewpoint and has been ever since my wonderful stint working in the courthouse.
When I was 20, I remember telling people that I wasn't going to have children because bringing children into this world was like taking a child into a bar. Now, the world is much, much worse than it was when I was 20 and I was foolish enough to bring 3 kids into it. Now, I can say that I know my kids are gonna rock this world, but there is still a feeling of guilt for having brought them here. But I will very much enjoy watching them turn this world upside down and maybe then the guilt will subside.
What brings on such emotion today? The article on foxnews.com about Wikipedia and child porn. The fact that it even needs to be discussed about whether or not children are sexual or able to experience sexual things is so........well, there are not even words......it is so far from any sense of reason. That is really a good description of our world......so far from any sense of reason. That is the amazing thing about the 21st century, there seems to be no need for reason anymore. Anything goes. I think the bible says something about that, that men would become lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. And in man's pursuit of the next level of pleasure, some have turned to children and are now defending it. It is one thing to be sick and to do sick things, but to then try to convince clear-minded individuals to view it as acceptable. Well, I am back to being unable to find words. There are no words because there shouldn't be any. There should not even be a need to define words like pedophilia. And there were other words in that article I had never even heard before. "Well, Julie, you should be more informed." Are you kidding me? I don't need to understand the vocabulary of a pedophile. I have no need to understand such a person, I leave that to law enforcement and pay high taxes to support their work. And, more importantly, my kids do not need definitions of any terms associated with pedophilia or anything remotely related to that subject. NO NEED!!!!!! EVER!!!!! If they want to take courses in COLLEGE on criminal justice or mental illness or the criminal mind, then they can do in-depth research and study all of the vocabulary on such a subject. But my kids are KIDS, they need to play ball in the yard, dig holes and spray the dog with water. And if anyone ever harms my kids, I'll be digging a hole for them in my backyard. And I will sleep like a baby with the dirt still under my fingernails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just sayin........
In days long ago, society worked together with parents to protect the innocence of children, now it seems to be a game of who can steal a child's innocence at the earliest possible age. If it isn't embedded somewhere in modern-day cartoons (just animated sit-coms), it lies in wait for them in every corner of the internet, which our school system now wants to make completely available to each child via their own take-home netbook. There is no way my child will have access to a computer that I am not an administrator on. Do they think parents are drunk and high? Now, I know there are plenty of parents that are asleep! And while they slumber, there are thousands of men and women ready, willing and able to entertain their little lovelies. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses", that is my viewpoint and has been ever since my wonderful stint working in the courthouse.
When I was 20, I remember telling people that I wasn't going to have children because bringing children into this world was like taking a child into a bar. Now, the world is much, much worse than it was when I was 20 and I was foolish enough to bring 3 kids into it. Now, I can say that I know my kids are gonna rock this world, but there is still a feeling of guilt for having brought them here. But I will very much enjoy watching them turn this world upside down and maybe then the guilt will subside.
What brings on such emotion today? The article on foxnews.com about Wikipedia and child porn. The fact that it even needs to be discussed about whether or not children are sexual or able to experience sexual things is so........well, there are not even words......it is so far from any sense of reason. That is really a good description of our world......so far from any sense of reason. That is the amazing thing about the 21st century, there seems to be no need for reason anymore. Anything goes. I think the bible says something about that, that men would become lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. And in man's pursuit of the next level of pleasure, some have turned to children and are now defending it. It is one thing to be sick and to do sick things, but to then try to convince clear-minded individuals to view it as acceptable. Well, I am back to being unable to find words. There are no words because there shouldn't be any. There should not even be a need to define words like pedophilia. And there were other words in that article I had never even heard before. "Well, Julie, you should be more informed." Are you kidding me? I don't need to understand the vocabulary of a pedophile. I have no need to understand such a person, I leave that to law enforcement and pay high taxes to support their work. And, more importantly, my kids do not need definitions of any terms associated with pedophilia or anything remotely related to that subject. NO NEED!!!!!! EVER!!!!! If they want to take courses in COLLEGE on criminal justice or mental illness or the criminal mind, then they can do in-depth research and study all of the vocabulary on such a subject. But my kids are KIDS, they need to play ball in the yard, dig holes and spray the dog with water. And if anyone ever harms my kids, I'll be digging a hole for them in my backyard. And I will sleep like a baby with the dirt still under my fingernails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just sayin........
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Can You Feel It?
I don't know what is going on this week, but it started for me on Sunday. It was an intense worship time and the Pastor confirmed what I was feeling as he proclaimed to the church that the worship seemed more passionate than usual. But this intensity has not gone away for me this week. I haven't walked around with my hands in the air by any means, but feel the urge to pray several times a day. There is an urgency in the air. I don't quite know what it is but I know the spirit continually cries out on our behalf (Romans 8:26) and I am so thankful.
I felt the spirit saying on Sunday that "I will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies". I felt the urgency that some in the congregation were feeling like they were fighting a losing battle with the enemy. I felt the spirit saying "You will sit at the table and feast while the enemy is round about you. You will lie down and the enemy will be all around you. You will sleep a sweet sleep and dream sweet dreams." Be encouraged today that you will win the battle. A great woman of God once proclaimed, "God, there is victory in our house because there is victory in your house!"
I felt the spirit saying on Sunday that "I will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies". I felt the urgency that some in the congregation were feeling like they were fighting a losing battle with the enemy. I felt the spirit saying "You will sit at the table and feast while the enemy is round about you. You will lie down and the enemy will be all around you. You will sleep a sweet sleep and dream sweet dreams." Be encouraged today that you will win the battle. A great woman of God once proclaimed, "God, there is victory in our house because there is victory in your house!"
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